


Gone

by eternallyheartbeating (orphan_account)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, I'm sorry it's a sob fest, M/M, Season Finale, The moments after cas is killed, i just finished the finale I'm still crying, one shot I'm doing to keep myself from sobbing, post season 12, season 12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-10 04:04:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11119533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/eternallyheartbeating
Summary: A quick emotion one shot of deans thoughts after cas dies in the season 12 finale.I just finished the finale and I'm a crying wreck and it's one am and I'm trying to calm my thoughts even though this one shot is going to make me cry even more.Honestly I don't fucking know why I wrote this it's too depressing.





	Gone

Castiel was gone. 

His mom was gone. 

Sam had gone inside the house leaving Dean to himself. 

Dean knelt next to the angel's dead body. He looked up into the dark night sky. He couldn't  see the stars.  The shock of Cas's sudden and quick death had passed and realization hit him. His vision was starting to get blurry with tears. Dean's shoulders shook and the sound of sobs began to escape from his mouth. He couldn't contain it. 

His best friend was gone. 

His angel was gone. 

Cas, his Castiel. He never knew how much Dean loved him. Dean never got to tell him that he loved him.

Dean's trembling hand reached and pulled Cas's hand up and heald it close to his chest that was quaking with sobs. 

"You can't be dead, Cas," Dean cried  softly. "I never got to tell you." 

Dean's sobs had quieted down and silent tears rolled down his cheeks. With his free hand he touched the dirt that was scorched with the marks of Castiel's wings. His fingers dig into the ground and he felt the dirt go under his fingernails. 

"God damnit Cas!" Dean said, voice cracking slightly. "You can't be dead."

He forced himself to look at the burns on the ground where Cas's wings were. He had to face the facts. 

Almost immediately he looked away. He can't believe that the angel was dead. He couldn't be! Just moments ago he had been alive.

And now Cas is motionless on the ground, cold body. 

Murdered.

Dean dropped Cas's limp hand. He wiped the tears off his face. 

"Please, no,"

Dean wanted to see his bright blue eyes, full of life. Just one more time. His smile. Hell, he'd even take a sad, beaten down, broken hearted and hurt Cas over a dead one. Just if it meant he was alive. 

That's all Dean wanted. 

Castiel. 

Dean's thoughts were fucked and scrambled and the couldn't think of anything but Cas. 

His Cas. 

Cas. 

Dean knew he was gone. How could it hurt so much to loose someone? 

Cas has died before. Multiple times. On several different occasions. But this time. It was different. 

Very different.

He saw the dying light of his angel. He saw the blade go through his chest. He saw the marks of angel wings on the ground. 

Cas was dead.

"I love you, Cas," Dean said quietly. Tears cascaded down his cheeks no matter the effort he put in to stop crying. 

"I love you. And I never got to tell you. I tried so many times but I couldn't. I love you. You were more than just my brother or my friend to me. You  _are_ more to me."

Dean's head bent over and his shoulders sagged. "I love you and I was too scared to tell you. To scared because of all the times I acted like I hated you. Too scared of rejection because I can't bear you not being here. I don't care if we're separated I just want you alive." 

"Carry on my wayward son," Dean whispered. A tear fell from his face and landed on the trench coat. 

"There'll be peace when you are done," 

"Lay your weary head to rest, don't you cry no more." Dean whispered the lyrics to himself. 

Dean didn't know what he was doing at this point. He was just begging. Begging the universe, the world, even Chuck for Cas to be alive. 

Dean squeezed his eyes shut and stood up. He looked down at Cas and tried to clear his head. He spoke a couple words before he left to join Sam inside.

"I love you,"

**Author's Note:**

> So it worked and I stopped crying but there is a gaping hole in my heart. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed that sob fest.
> 
> This isn't necessarily a crack fanfic but I don't know how seriously it should be taken considering it was written by me crying at two am and I had just finished the finale and I need destiel love


End file.
